Sloth Rewarded

The curse has been lifted. A new age is upon us. I just turned a whole new chapter of my life.

I finally found a sloth.

That’s right–my first sloth. All by myself. On my own. In the wild. In front of guests. I got witnesses.

Family, friends, and anyone within earshot will tell you of my history concerning sloths. Sure, I’ve seen them plenty of times. Shoot, I work with them every day now. But in the wild? They’ve eluded me. And the only ones I did see were only after they were already spotted and then pointed out by somebody else. Sometimes, like, just a few seconds before I would’ve totally have seen it just fine goddamn you–

Although I’m still not convinced this wasn’t just a clump of moss.

But this one? It’s all me, I’m afraid. All 3 toes of it. And yes, I admit, it was purely by accident and yes, I was in an animal sanctuary and only saw it through the monkey cage that I was already talking about and yes, it was moving and that’s the only reason I managed to spot it. But after more than 5 slothless years of guiding I’m taking it.

So behold, in all its glory, my first ever field-spotted sloth photo:


…Wait, seriously? That’s the best photo I could come up with to redeem myself? Jesus, I might as well have stuck a stuffed animal in a tree and called it in. What exactly are we looking at here? I’ve seen Bigfoot photos more convincing than this.

Thing is, I was giving a tour and didn’t have my camera on me, only my work phone. And my employers didn’t exactly splurge on a phone with a nice camera.

Not that I blame them, since I live here and can’t have nice things.

And the important thing is that the guests got to see it. Even after they had come for a tour of captive animals, I came through with the exotic wildlife. And it was a pretty good view of the sloth, not that you would tell from my photo.

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